I would like to share a heart-warming incident. My older child had an entrance test for his first grade admission. He is a cheerful, fun loving and carefree child, who would speak his heart out. Couple of days prior to the interview his grandparents gave him lots of advice like do well, write slowly and neatly and so on. He then asked me, “Aunty why is everyone saying all this, do they feel I will not do well in the test”!!! I was perturbed by his thought. I explained that they were concerned about his test and assured him that he is a smart child and he will do well in the test. On the flip side I was delighted that he was able to express his thoughts openly or else these thoughts would manifest into anxiety and lack of confidence.
These little children also emote various feeling of joy, sad, excitement, anxiety, nervousness, worries, surprise and so on however they are not able to express it clearly with appropriate vocabulary. Due to which these unresolved feelings might be expressed in unhealthy ways or may manifest physically. So the first step to help children handle their feelings is to help them identify the various feelings and be able to name the feelings.
Succour them to enhance their emotional vocabulary through stories. Give them various opportunities to express their feelings and also share your experience and label your feelings. It is important for children to know that even we as adults also experience the same feelings like them and let them know how we handle our emotions. It’s quite natural to feel upset, angry, shy, and unsure. We need to express it in a healthy manner.
The next step would be assisting the child to identify the feeling in others. We could share a particular incident and ask the child how they would have felt. We could read stories, create stories of animals experiencing the different emotions, point out the different facial expressions and body language.
Children who are able to express their feeling are
- Be empathic and supportive of others
- Channelize their energy productively
- Perform better in school and their career
- Have more positive and stable relationships with other children
- Have good mental health and wellbeing
- Display less behavioural problems
- Have a positive sense of self
As adults we need to be good listeners without being judgemental or biased. The child needs know that you understand their feelings. Dinner time, family time or before bed time would be good time to discuss the happy and unpleasant feelings with your child. At times when the child is experiencing strong emotions we need to guide them to calm down and then discuss the feelings, give it a name and help them think about the different ways to overcome the problem. As children learn to solve their issues, they become more independent and confident.
